Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize