Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
