do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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