Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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