I'm really into asian looking animals
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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