I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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