Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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