I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
