the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
