I wanna passion pit in your ass
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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