you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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