he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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