It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
