should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
