He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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