i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
