If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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