"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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