using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
