Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
