Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
