just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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