today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
