Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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