Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
