i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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