I think I died a long time ago.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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