The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
