I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
