you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
