Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Barsexuality is the new black.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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