drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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