I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
