I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize
