I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
