Non-Jews are for practice
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
