So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
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He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
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My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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