ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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