My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
