You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize