so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Randomize
