sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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