Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
