dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
