Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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