The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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