I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
