My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Randomize
