my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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