i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
