My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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