you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
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