so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
