half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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