totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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