not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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