none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
