My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
