I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Randomize
