dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
