I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
should my penis look like a turkey
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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