I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
