We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
