i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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