woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
