Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
my poor anus
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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