I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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