We're like a lot better than the average bears
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
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