The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
