WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
