Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
