I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
