names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
