You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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