Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
