dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
