Will you blow on my dice?
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
