I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
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I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
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Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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