Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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